And Horus has already taken off…
Welcome to this week’s edition of the number one TV show internationally: “Resurrection Island.”
On Resurrection Island we take many of the gods who have resurrected throughout history and strand them on a desert island with no restroom facilities. All gods are then required to drink a six pack of beer and try to hold it as long as they can before they have to resurrect.
This week we have a newcomer: Jesus Christ of Judeah. Because he’s one of the last gods in history to resurrect, our money is on him to win our divinely coveted omnipotent-bladder award.
BTW, Jesus resurrected about 3,000 years after our oldest contestant, Horus of Egypt, and Jesus comes from a long line of other gods that have resurrected since Horus.
Some of these other gods that will be resurrecting today:
Thulis of Egypt
Inanna of Mesopotamia
Attis, Adonis, Prometheus, Persephone, and Dionysus of Greece
Krishna, Sakia, and Buddha of India
Tammuz of Syria
Hesus of the Celtic Druids
Quirinus of Rome
Alcestis of Euripedes
Atys of Phrygia
Indra of Tibet
Crite of Chaldea
Odin of Scandinavia
Baal of Phoenicia
(four hours and a dozen or so gods later…)
Wait a minute… here comes Mithra of Persia:
And finally… here comes our winner: Jesus of Judeah.
And in addition to all those who have been actually resurrected, how about all those heroes who are not dead but sleeping somewhere waiting for the call - including;
The ancient German heroes — Kings Ariovist, Hermann, Wittekind, Siegfried with the horny skin, etc.
Frederick Barbarossa.
Emperor Karl V.
Charlemagne
Holger Danske
The 12 knights of Alleberg
Earl Gerald.
King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.
&tc.
Lets not forget all those other virgin births too
I also read somewhere that if Jesus resurrected bodily, or as a spirit visibly seen going up toward heaven (a place up there), even at the speed of light he isn’t half way across our little galaxy of the milky way yet. Think of the air miles accumulated.
This would make a good comedy show! Thanks creating it…
Nick
Critical Critique
Stop it, I’m choking on my soda!!!