And Horus has already taken off…
Welcome to this week’s edition of the number one TV show internationally: “Resurrection Island.”
On Resurrection Island we take many of the gods who have resurrected throughout history and strand them on a desert island with no restroom facilities. All gods are then required to drink a six pack of beer and try to hold it as long as they can before they have to resurrect.
This week we have a newcomer: Jesus Christ of Judeah. Because he’s one of the last gods in history to resurrect, our money is on him to win our divinely coveted omnipotent-bladder award.
BTW, Jesus resurrected about 3,000 years after our oldest contestant, Horus of Egypt, and Jesus comes from a long line of other gods that have resurrected since Horus.
Some of these other gods that will be resurrecting today:
Thulis of Egypt
Inanna of Mesopotamia
Attis, Adonis, Persephone, and Dionysus of Greece
Krishna, Sakia, and Buddha of India
Tammuz of Syria
Hesus of the Celtic Druids
Quirinus of Rome
Alcestis of Euripedes
Atys of Phrygia
Indra of Tibet
Crite of Chaldea
Odin of Scandinavia
Baal of Phoenicia
(four hours and a dozen or so gods later…)
Wait a minute… here comes Mithra of Persia:
And finally… here comes our winner: Jesus of Judeah.
And in addition to all those who have been actually resurrected, how about all those heroes who are not dead but sleeping somewhere waiting for the call – including;
The ancient German heroes — Kings Ariovist, Hermann, Wittekind, Siegfried with the horny skin, etc.
Frederick Barbarossa.
Emperor Karl V.
Charlemagne
Holger Danske
The 12 knights of Alleberg
Earl Gerald.
King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.
&tc.
Lets not forget all those other virgin births too
I also read somewhere that if Jesus resurrected bodily, or as a spirit visibly seen going up toward heaven (a place up there), even at the speed of light he isn’t half way across our little galaxy of the milky way yet. Think of the air miles accumulated.
This would make a good comedy show! Thanks creating it…
Nick
Critical Critique
Stop it, I’m choking on my soda!!!
In my best Mr. Burns voice: “EXCELLENT!!”
Israeli scholars just found a 3-ft.-high tablet named “Gabriel’s Revelation” that pre-dates the birth of Jesus Christ and announces the raising of a messiah after three days in the grave. So you can add that to your list, as well.
BTW, The “resurrection after 3 days” is the Winter Sun rising 3 days after the Winter Solstice on December 22nd, hence Christmas day is on the 25th. This was largely important because it signified the return of longer daylight, and a reassurance that Spring would come again. That’s all it means and nothing more…no messiah/prophet/son of god was ever resurrected….ever.
Re.the resurrection how come the disciples were so reluctant to believe at first that Christ had risen,given that they had witnessed him supposedly doing miracles for three years,including raising Lazarus? And also if all the miracles happened the moment christ died(earthquake,zombies rising,eclipse of the sun)that would be pretty convincing to disciples and the general public??Duh!
I’d really like to see a debate on this.
Rod Parsley, Jack Van Impe, Pat Robertson, Benny Hinn, John Hagee or Paul Crouch would never have the balls to stand up in front of the world and face these resurrected saviors. (all of whom pre-date their precious jesus)
This is an interesting and exciting post on resurrected saviors. But I think the picture of the resurrected Jesus is little bit funny. LOL.
Where is Muhammad? inlcude him in the resurrection also
What the heck was this? a lot of gods! Do you think these gods will not send storm to you or fires and thunders? LOLs…
I think you will need to put here the real saviour of the the world. Or you dont believe there is one?
Capella, Just a question! Why dont you believe in gods or God? If you care, please give me some short explanation and your reasons why.
How atheism differs from paganism?
Thanks, Capella!
It’s hard to summarize in a comment. I see no credible evidence of gods or the supernatural. Their invisibility also makes them highly suspect. I do see plenty of psychological reasons people would imagine such things though.
A pagan is someone who believes in different imaginary gods than the person condescending him as a pagan.
This differs from an atheist who is a person without any beliefs in the supernatural or gods at all.
Capella,
I wonder about my friend. He said he is an atheist. He believe in cockroaches and lizards.
Is there still any worship for the sun god “ra”, or moon gods or seas? Because some of the Philippine ancestor still worshiping big Rocks. Are they called a pagan or a different kind?
How about you, Capella?
Thanks Capella
Maybe what your friend meant was that lizards are visible beings he can see as opposed to the invisible gods that people imagine when they worship?
This is a neat blog post – very creative. I wish there was a video or something to watch the island of gods and to see this contest in real time. I wonder what it must be like to live with a full bladder for so long.
This blog is cool, a collection of gods on an island? What’s the rest of the story line? who’s their enemies, what’s coming on next week’s episode. Lol, jokes aside the graphics are great an the idea is very original and super AWESOME!